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September 11, 2001 WTC NEWS & LINKS

OPINIONS
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my reaction to 911
Posted by: maria lopinto from new york city Monday March 29, 2004 @ 01:17 PST
when i found out from a schoolaide that a plane crashed into the world trade center, i looked at him like it's expected of a plane to hit the towers for whatever reasons (bad whether, incompetence by pilot). as time went by i went upstairs to the third floor school window to see the first tower in black smoke then a second plane hit the other tower and boom, i stood there not knowing how to react. at that time i was working in the school safety system under the nypd so i could not react because the safety of the children and staff came first. as a result i had a delayed response. a year later, i went on active duty reserves to volunteer as a recruiter for the good of the army. however, my performance was beginning to suffer because i developed symptoms of post-traumatic stress syndrome and i could not accomplish my mission as i expected to. i told my supervisor's that i needed professional help but at the same time i was too embarrassed because i knew that the army recruiting battalion would not understand or have the time to listen. my performance worsened because i drank, slept less, had 2 car accidents because of the anxiety i had. even the pressures of recruiting worsened the situation. now i have to undergo therapy to minimize my symptoms. as a member of the nypd and the us army, i feel not only ashamed of my symptoms but guilty for not being there to rescue with the uniformed members and for not being the effective recruiter so i could increase the strength of the army. for a while i felt like a complete failure that i wished god should have taken me away instead of those victims. if anyone in these links feel upset about my experiences, i apologize if i upset anyone. i'm only sharing my feelings peace be with you......