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September 11, 2001 WTC NEWS & LINKS

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I have lost, yet I have not lost
Posted by: Sara from Baton Rouge Tuesday September 18, 2001 @ 05:43
Hi, my name's Sara and I go to BRHS (Baton Rouge High School). I was in World Geography at 8:46AM on Tuesday, when the track coach came running in saying that we needed to turn the TV on. I watched the news for an hour and a half in awe, amazed at what I saw. Then after the initial shock wore off, I gazed around the crowded halls. Cell phones were everywhere. Two way pagers were being used and passed around. As I arrived at my next class, I walked in and noticed a circle of my classmates praying. One girl was leading the prayer, about half of the circle was praying with her. The other half of the circle was breaking. Quintina, my good friend, sat there crying her heart out. Her cousins might have possibly been in that building. When I saw her crying, I was repulsed. I just wanted to go home and watch cartoons or something light. I did not want to deal with this horror. Yet I had to, because the school refused to let students use the phone to call their parents. As I sat there in class staring numbly at the TV, I tried to concentrate on happy thoughts. My classes seemed to go by in a haze after that, and soon I was home. I got online to chat with my friends, as I do every day. Usually 10 people or so are on, but that day there were none except my friend from New York. All day I had fretted about him, scared to death that he might be dead. I quickly made sure he was alright, and then asked him if everyone he knew was OK. After 5 minutes, he replied to my instant message saying his best friend's mom is missing. She still might be, I am scared to ask him for fear of making his heart ache. The next day, not many were present at school. Many were at home with their parents, lamenting. That day went by fairly fast for me, with nobody in the classes we were allowed to read and such. I got home and got online. More people were on Wednesday. Not many, but a few. I talked to them, comforted them, and mourned their losses. That night, I lay in bed thinking 'Am I heartless? Not a tear have I wept, while others have shed many. Perhaps it is because the one person I know and love in New York is fine and safe.' The next day I brought my Bible to school, and carried it around in plain sight even though people said 'Why are you carrying that around?' When I recieved free time in my classes, I read my Bible. Matthews. Over and over, chapter 24. At least 20 times have I read that chapter. He is coming. That, I am sure. I am ready, others are too. Still, we do not understand the meaning of war and hatred. I am so confused and hurt. My friend in New York is going to join the Army. The one boy I have ever loved is possibly going to join the Army. My guy friends are all talking, too. I am losing everyone, yet I have lost none. I am stunned right now, unable to properly think. All I want is for everyone to stay where they are and not join the Army. I want my normal, unchaotic life back. But I know that will never happen. So now I have learned a lesson I should not have learned for a few more years. I have never been good at ending stories - - -